In Memory of My Cat and Magickal Companion, Reyn

Cats were the first topic that sprang to mind when mulling over a post for this week – or more specifically my beautiful Reyncat, who I miss intensely. When the subject of familiars comes up, cats always spring to my mind. It’s cliché (which is probably why I think of it in the first place), but isn’t there something inherently magickal about cats? Ok, not all – my other cat, Grendel, is pretty far from magickal. He’s more dog-like and slightly ridiculous. But there are some cats out there – many of them I’ve found, that just seem to have an air and energy about them that lends itself to magick. Reyn was one of those cats – always drawn to circles when I was working in the house; even if it was just a tarot spread, he wanted to be nearby.

I’ve contemplated familiars over the years, and even considered the idea of focusing my thoughts and energy into asking for one to join me. But one thing that’s stopped me in the past was Reyn. There was always this thought in the back of my mind, that even if he wasn’t specifically a familiar, he was definitely a magickal companion. Of all the animals I’ve adopted over the years he’s the only one that chose me. When he grew into adulthood, he became very affectionate and close, but only with me. When friends would stop by he was the typical stand-offish cat. And he was so gorgeous, everyone wanted his attention – which he just wouldn’t give. Until I had my oldest son, that is – then Reyn recognized that if he was to get attention, especially in those early months, he was going to have to accept it from other people, since my energy and time was now divided. But he was always MY cat. He made that clear.

I adopted a German Shepherd – Pandora – when Reyn was about 3, and they got along fabulously. Pandora passed away from cancer while Reyn was still alive – her death was quick and a surprise, as the cancer was very advanced by the time she was diagnosed. And in the two weeks we had with her between her diagnosis and her death, I was sure that I would be rocked by her passing. And I was – but to much less of an extent than I expected. I missed her, but had a new pregnancy to be distracted with shortly after. And the challenge of caring for a large, energetic dog while working full-time and caring for my pre-schooler was a challenge, so having less of my time and energy divided was a welcomed aspect to losing a beloved pet. And I loved Pandora with all my heart – there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.

I’m telling you all that to tell you this: nothing could have prepared me for the devastation I felt when I lost Reyn. I was shocked at the depth of my pain and sorrow – particularly as his death was far from unexpected. He was 14 and in kidney failure, and putting him to sleep was a mercy. But thinking about that moment now – picking up his frail, feather-light body to put into the bottom half of his carrier and taking him to a vet and friend to help him find the clearing at the end of the path – squeezes my heart until it aches. It took his passing for me to realize just how close we had been.

When I now contemplate the possibility of looking for another magickal companion, or even a familiar, it will be Reyn who I reach out to and ask for guidance. Perhaps a spark of his being will find its way back to me to join me in my magickal journeys.

i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens;
only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

e.e. cummings