The Mural on My Back: Updated

I had great intentions of journaling the progress of the tattoo I’m getting on my back (mentioned last month), but the drastic changes in my work life have kept me on my toes, and I just haven’t had the time for many of the things I had hoped to accomplish.

That said, here’s how things look to date:

Detail on my upper back:

…and detail on my lower back:

The whole thing started imagined as only two trees on my back (the ones my sons are named for), and has… evolved.  Currently, the list of creatures on my back includes:

Two baby Great Horned owls
Common Raven
Black-capped Chickadee
Monarch Butterfly (adult)
Monarch Butterfly caterpillar
Monarch Butterfly chrysalis
Unidentified spider (in web)
Imaginary beetle (not pictured)

Unlike the others, the beetle is something created from Joe’s imagination (at my request). In addition to further work on each of the trees, a damselfly will be added to the fauna list.   I haven’t kept very close track of the time this has taken; I’ve been through 7 sittings and would guess that about 9 – 10 hours of work have been done so far.

Part-way through this project I started bartering tattooing in exchange for work on Joe’s website. You can visit the updated site I’m working on, and learn more about the very talented artist working on me at ZaZa Ink’s website.

MA Tattoo Festival 2012

Artist Kelly Green working on Obo's tree

Obo and I went to the MA Tattoo Festival in Sturbridge this past Saturday (March 31).  We spent quite a bit of time just wandering around, visiting with different artists and vendors and looking at artwork, tattoos and miscellany (I bought a really lovely necklace from a steampunk jewelry maker – great stuff!). We took a break for lunch and went off-site to a restaurant/bar down the road. I wasn’t feeling great for a while, and wanted a place to sit and eat that was a bit quieter. It took a while, but I finally felt better after lunch – but it took a good 2 glasses of water and two cups of coffee to get me there. Don’t ask how many times I visited the women’s room for the rest of the afternoon – I lost count.

It didn’t take long after our arrival to decide that Obo should get ink while we were there. He decided on an artist – Kelly Green from Hartford, CT – and image (tree, located on the back of his right calf – absolutely beautiful) fairly quickly, although we made sure to do a full walk through before coming back to Kelly. His work was (roughly) scheduled for 4 PM (although didn’t happen in reality until 6 – nothing really went on time there), so we had plenty of time to kill wandering around (even with our lunch break).

A big part of most of these festivals is the competition: people go in front of several judges to get their tattoos evaluated and considered for awards in a variety of  categories, based on attributes such as color (vs. black and gray), size and, in some cases, subject or style (floral, traditional, etc.). I actually entered part of my still-in-progress back piece on the very strong urging of my tattoo artist (who, coincidentally enough, happened to be running the whole affair).  I’ve been remiss about posting photos of the work being done (and now I actually have some, and will get them up here soon, I hope), but one separate part is a beautiful raven which, unfortunately, didn’t win anything. I was so entertained by the whole process however, that I honestly didn’t mind much one way or the other. The competition didn’t start until 8:30 PM (despite being slated for 8), so we didn’t leave until nearly 10, getting us home – exhausted – around 11 pM.  Nearly 12 hours from the time we got there that morning.

It was funny how I felt so much more comfortable there once we focused on Obo getting a piece done. It felt like we had a purpose. I think I was trying to figure out how we fit in up until then. I really didn’t have much to worry about – there was a really fun and wide assortment of people wandering around all day; everything from folks dressed in long pants and sleeves showing absolutely no ink (which made me wonder if they didn’t have any, or just weren’t into displaying what they had), to people very nearly completely covered (and undressed, in some cases).

I didn’t really think about it while we were there, but the amount of artwork – both on skin and off – that we viewed was enormous. I didn’t sleep well Saturday night, and found that I was dreaming about the festival in one way or another most of the evening (except for the hour and ½ I spent awake, reading and/or trying to fall back asleep). Have you ever had nights where it feels like you’ve done nothing but dream about the day you just had? Whether it’s about work, or friends, or family, and everything is so vivid that you felt like you really didn’t sleep at all? Like you might as well have never left what you were doing that day? I’m not sure how else to describe the feeling, but that’s how I woke up Sunday morning.

And in thinking about it, it’s made me realize how deeply I was affected by my surroundings Saturday. Not negatively at all – but just really affected. Sort of how I feel after I’ve been tattooed. Each time I’ve left from a tattoo session (regardless of the artist), the whole experience stays with me for days. The conversations, the smells, ambient sounds, and music that was playing…. Does this happen to everyone? If not, why am I so affected in this way? I’ve been drawn to tattoos and tattooing for years and years – completely fascinated, and always wanting another piece once my current project was finished. The whole process and industry has a really strong pull on me – but I can’t say why, or what it is about it that I’m so taken with. And now the really funny thing is, I’m getting exactly what I’ve wanted for years – a really unique and intense piece of work by an artist who is as drawn to the piece he’s working on as I am. And I’ve discovered that there are aspects to doing something like this that I never considered.

Hmmm… I’ll have to pick up this thread later in the week; I want to get this posted and am out of time. And I do believe this post is quite long enough.

In Memory of My Cat and Magickal Companion, Reyn

Cats were the first topic that sprang to mind when mulling over a post for this week – or more specifically my beautiful Reyncat, who I miss intensely. When the subject of familiars comes up, cats always spring to my mind. It’s cliché (which is probably why I think of it in the first place), but isn’t there something inherently magickal about cats? Ok, not all – my other cat, Grendel, is pretty far from magickal. He’s more dog-like and slightly ridiculous. But there are some cats out there – many of them I’ve found, that just seem to have an air and energy about them that lends itself to magick. Reyn was one of those cats – always drawn to circles when I was working in the house; even if it was just a tarot spread, he wanted to be nearby.

I’ve contemplated familiars over the years, and even considered the idea of focusing my thoughts and energy into asking for one to join me. But one thing that’s stopped me in the past was Reyn. There was always this thought in the back of my mind, that even if he wasn’t specifically a familiar, he was definitely a magickal companion. Of all the animals I’ve adopted over the years he’s the only one that chose me. When he grew into adulthood, he became very affectionate and close, but only with me. When friends would stop by he was the typical stand-offish cat. And he was so gorgeous, everyone wanted his attention – which he just wouldn’t give. Until I had my oldest son, that is – then Reyn recognized that if he was to get attention, especially in those early months, he was going to have to accept it from other people, since my energy and time was now divided. But he was always MY cat. He made that clear.

I adopted a German Shepherd – Pandora – when Reyn was about 3, and they got along fabulously. Pandora passed away from cancer while Reyn was still alive – her death was quick and a surprise, as the cancer was very advanced by the time she was diagnosed. And in the two weeks we had with her between her diagnosis and her death, I was sure that I would be rocked by her passing. And I was – but to much less of an extent than I expected. I missed her, but had a new pregnancy to be distracted with shortly after. And the challenge of caring for a large, energetic dog while working full-time and caring for my pre-schooler was a challenge, so having less of my time and energy divided was a welcomed aspect to losing a beloved pet. And I loved Pandora with all my heart – there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.

I’m telling you all that to tell you this: nothing could have prepared me for the devastation I felt when I lost Reyn. I was shocked at the depth of my pain and sorrow – particularly as his death was far from unexpected. He was 14 and in kidney failure, and putting him to sleep was a mercy. But thinking about that moment now – picking up his frail, feather-light body to put into the bottom half of his carrier and taking him to a vet and friend to help him find the clearing at the end of the path – squeezes my heart until it aches. It took his passing for me to realize just how close we had been.

When I now contemplate the possibility of looking for another magickal companion, or even a familiar, it will be Reyn who I reach out to and ask for guidance. Perhaps a spark of his being will find its way back to me to join me in my magickal journeys.

i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens;
only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

e.e. cummings

Quick Update

We’ve had a death in our extended family, and I’ll be taking a few days off from blogging to attend to family matters. I’m sorry to say that my Pagan Blog Project post for this week will be delayed as I won’t be back online until Monday.

Have a good few days – I look forward to reconnecting with everyone next week.

Cynthia

Meditation on Brigid

I met Brigid on a grassy hill-top today; the sky was a perfect cornflower blue with dollops of cottony white clouds, and we both were barefoot. She was kind and soft-spoken, and answered my questions willingly, if a bit cryptically. I asked her for guidance in finding imagery to connect to her, and she gave me the colors yellow for her fiery aspect, blue for her healing aspect, and green for her creativity.  As she spoke to me she took both my hands in hers – her skin was hot to the touch. I expressed my simple desire to know her better, and find everyday ways for connection. She reminded me that all I need to do is ask, and be sure to pay attention to the signs around me. We embraced, and I walked a bit away from her, noticing that dandelions and forget-me-nots were growing on the hillside beneath my feet. A few moments later she bade me goodbye in that sweet, lilting voice and faded from view.

Our family Imbolc alter will be specifically dedicated to Brigid this year (usually we keep a fairly general holiday theme without specific deity focus); I will welcome her presence into our household, and share stories of her with our Oldest son. We celebrate Imbolc on Feb. 2; I will take the time from then until the cross-quarter date for Imbolc (Feb. 4 this year) to keep a light blue candle lit (while we’re home, anyway) and to continue sharing about her with Oldest. I’ll have my own ritual dedicated to Brigid on Feb. 3 (helps that I’m off from work).

Yesterday I came across a seed packet of forget-me-nots, given in memory of a friend who passed away a few years ago. They’ll get planted this spring in memory of my friend, and in dedication to Brigid.

Delving into Brigid

Brigid… Imbolc is coming up in a short few weeks, and I (like many) have strong associations of Brigid with this holiday.

I must admit that I feel woefully inadequate in my knowledge of many deities, Brigid included. But I’m exploring the idea of having a patron goddess and/or god at some point and want to drastically increase my familiarity with many of them to see how they resonate with me.

Since this and next week’s focus of the Pagan Blog Challenge is B, I will take the next week to study and meditate on Brigid. I’ll write my next post on what I’ve discovered about her… right now I’m off to go and get the next part of my full-back tattoo worked on. I’ll share more on this project soon (with pictures).

Antlers – A Symbol of the Witches God

Antlers are my favorite symbol of the god – I’m drawn to them in a way that makes me want to feel their cool, smooth surface immediately. That they symbolize not just a natural aspect but a wild part of deity is a powerful draw. Imagining them now, I am transported to a forest, walking along a trail – a very specific one. Is there something there I need to find or feel? I spent much time in those woods along that trail when I was working on my graduate projects – tracking animals, measuring and counting trees. But I don’t think my association with that place has to do with my frequency of visits; after all, it has been over 8 years since I walked that trail with any regularity. I will have to go back soon and discover what I find there now.

I have been trying to give more credit to my free associations (like the antlers and place in the forest) and to my feelings and hunches lately. A particular and relatively frequent one throughout my life has been the feeling I get when I walk into some places (usually houses, but not always)… hard to describe, but it makes me want to leave immediately. I’m uncomfortable almost to the point of claustrophobia. I usually write it off as just the emotional discomfort of a new place, but it can be a strong physical feeling and I wonder if there’s something more that I’m sensing – negative energy, anger, perhaps open hostility. I was aware of it recently just driving by a building (which happens to be a pub and restaurant). I imagined myself walking in there and that feeling of wanting to flee hit me hard. Odd that it was just the outside of that place which invoked such a powerful feeling. It was something about the windows.

The opposite happens as well – a feeling of peace and contentment walking into a building for the first time. I’ve felt that most keenly in a particular house and again at a nature center – both were renovated barns. I have chalked those good feelings up to the energy left behind by the animals that used to live in those barns – sheep, in the case of the house, and horses in the case of the nature center. Animals have always made me feel calm and at ease; I often prefer their company to that of humans (my immediate family being the exception).

It’s so easy to ignore or write off these little tinglings, but I feel that more and more I should be paying attention to them. I’ve wandered far from my topic of antlers, but the strong sense of place I got when thinking about them seemed important to explore. Part of being a witch is being in tune to the energy around you, and what your body and intuition is telling you. While I can’t say that I’ve all-out ignored these things in the past, I do believe I could do more to explore and enhance them.

I’m participating in the Pagan Blog Project - this post is a weekly part of that project.